Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms reading this. I also want to specifically wish my mom a happy mother's day, even though I know this is a hard one for her. My grandmother is currently in renal failure and does not have much time left. It's hard to be dealing with these things from a distance. Not the first time I've wished that I could instantly transport myself up there to be with people who are grieving. But I also wanted to say how special my mom is to me and how lucky I am to have her. I've long known that I've been blessed with two wonderful parents and an awesome brother, not to mention a great extended family as well. I was particularly lucky to grow up next door to my aunt and uncle and cousins - it was like having a second family one house over. As a mother now myself, I often look to my mom as a great example of what a mother should be. She's always comforting, loving, and seems to always know the right thing to say. I don't know how she does it, but with any luck, I can do the same for my children. So thank you Mom, for everything you've done and continue to do for me. I love you so much.

There's just something about moms. When I'm feeling sick or sad or having a hard time, I often have a moment of thinking, "I want my mom." And when good things happen, I want to share those times with her as well. The other day for example, Ronan, Tristan, and I were playing outside (well, I was wearing Tristan in a sling - Ronan was doing most of the playing). As I sat on the grass and watched Ronan run and laugh and kick his ball around, I wished that my parents could be there with me. I think that's one of the hardest parts about living so far away - you can't just swing by and spend an afternoon together. And Ronan has so much fun when they come to visit or we go up there. A couple weeks ago, my dad came down for the weekend. Despite the crummy weather, he and Ronan had a great time playing together outside. When he left, Ronan kept asking for him. Also, upon discovering the newspaper my dad had left, Ronan immediately picked up an old cellphone and announced he was calling grandpa and said, "Grandpa, I have your paper!" He also likes the idea of calling Grandma and Grandpa on the computer (hooray for Facetime!), although once we actually connect, he often runs off. But up to that point, it's "Call Grandma! Call Grandma!"

It's humbling to think sometimes about how important I am to my sons. That just as there are times for me when only my mom can make things better, now there are two little lives who will want me to make things all better for them. That the "I want my mom" cry will not be from me, but for me. It's an incredible responsibility and a wonderful gift. At this point, for Ronan, mommy can heal injuries with a kiss, banish monsters and giant birds, and provide a haven from the world with a hug. I know that as he grows older, some of these powers of mine will fade, but I hope the feeling of safety and comfort will always remain for him. Tristan's needs are a little easier to take care of at this point, but I look forward to watching him grow and see his needs change as well. Hopefully, I'll always be up for the challenge.

I started this (somewhat rambling) post thanking my mother. I'll end it by thanking my sons. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be a mother, to experience the love, the fear, the joy, and the heartache it all entails. I love you more than words could ever convey.